Why do people fall in love? Experts weigh in on the science and chemistry of love. Love, as the song says, is a many-splendored thing. So, when we find it, we're keen to enjoy the spoils. But what is it about humans that makes us long for love in the first place? It turns out the most inherent reason is also probably the least romantic.
"Generally speaking, human 'pair bonding' is a drive to keep the species in existence," explains Dr. Nicki Nance, licensed psychotherapist and professor at Beacon College in Leesburg, Florida in an email interview. Over time, the tendency to find a love connection evolved from relationships built on need to those of enjoyment. "Today, falling in love is socially defined. If we didn't have love stories to establish the expectation of falling in love, we might not do it. We would still bond, though," she says, noting that contemporary love is more successful when key components like passion, companionship and commitment are present.
How We Love
The beginning stages of love, as well as how we pursue and give it throughout our lives, depends a lot on our parents, explains psychologist Dr. Beverly Palmer, author of "Love Demystified: Strategies for a Successful Love Life." "We are born as helpless infants, dependent on our parent to fulfill our needs. Love, then, becomes need fulfillment and we seek this same love out as adults," she says in an email interview.
The Brain and Body on Love
"When we are in the company of the loved one the brain produces more serotonin, which gives a sense of well-being, more endorphins, which are natural pain killers, and more dopamine, which increases pleasure. The good feeling is a reward that makes us want more," Nance explains.
Why Some People Find Love More Easily
"In order to find love, we must first be able to give love, and we must have this love to give within ourselves. When you feel lovable you project that out and other people notice," Palmer says. "In searching for a lover, the person who doesn't feel worthy of love can't present themselves as lovable." This lack of confidence translates into neediness, which repels potential love-interests like bug spray. "The more the lonely person seeks love, the more it eludes them. The needier they appear, the less chance there is for someone to enter their life to fulfill those needs," she adds, noting that it's critical to "love yourself without being dependent on other people's opinions."